Escape from Cubicle Nation

Now THAT is perfection

Thanks to my friend and long-time blog reader Carla Golden, I found this beautiful clip of two dancers.

According to Carla:

She was a teenage dancer in China, having trained from early childhood, when she lost her left arm in a car accident. Depressed, she turned away from dancing for awhile. But when asked to coach a group of children, she realized her love of dance was still there.

She returned to dancing, finding at first that it was difficult to maintain balance in her turns and spins without her lost limb. But gradually she learned to compensate.

A number of years later, she heard of a young man in his 20's who had lost his leg. He, too, was going through the roller coaster emotions of denial, depression and anger that she had gone through. Although he had never danced before, she talked him into trying it. It was a challenge for both of them. They separated several times when the frustration became too great. He had no concept of how to use his muscles or even the most basic dance steps.

Eventually, they broke through their frustrations and went back to training, hiring a choreographer to design routines for them.

After watching it, tell me if what they are lacking in any way detracts from the perfection they demonstrate together.  Breathtaking!  A good lesson for us all.

In case you don't see the video on this post, here is the direct link to the YouTube video.

 

When life gets you down, try a little loving kindness

It is easy to take life for granted when things are going well.  When they aren't, you feel anxious, fearful and uncomfortable.

In the midst of an incredibly busy two weeks with tons of writing projects and appointments, my 4-month old baby girl Angela got really sick.  Hit by a respiratory infection likely transmitted by her big brother Josh who can't stop from sticking his finger in her mouth right after coughing on it, she is a picture of stuffed up, red-eyed misery. 

There is nothing that makes me feel more powerless than holding a little creature who is too small to talk, and knowing there is nothing I can do to make her feel better.

Those of you who have kids know exactly what I am talking about.  And those that don't can surely sympathize, if you have beloved pets, elderly parents, dear friends or nieces and nephews that have fallen ill.

After a whole day commiserating with her, I came across the Loving Kindness Meditation which comes from the Buddhist tradition.  Like so many nuggets from faiths around the world, it is not necessary to practice the religion to get a great deal of benefit from it.  The meditation is simple:

Loving Kindness Meditation

May you be happy

May you be well

May you be free from suffering

May you be safe

After reading these four simple phrases, I felt myself relax.  And as  as I said them again, I felt Angela relax against my chest.

A sick child is just one of many daily experiences that can make you feel the need for a bit of comfort such as:

• Financial stress
• An argument with a loved one
• A stupid mistake (if it is a public one, even more!)
• A run-in with an aggressive driver
• Pressure from deadlines
• A bad performance review
• A scathing email or comment on your blog
• A difficult interaction with a client

I could go on for pages, and I am sure you could too, perhaps from something you are experiencing at this very moment.

At its most basic, this meditation can be said quietly while you are going through stress to alleviate pressure and feel a sense of well-being.

The more you do it, the more you want to share the feeling with those around you. 

In that spirit, here are 10 practical ways to demonstrate loving kindness:

1. Bring a meal to a friend or neighbor.  This happened to me just yesterday, when my awesome neighbor Jessica dropped by the house with a big pot of soup.  She knew we had been sick and busy and thought we could use a little help with dinner. You can easily do this by just doubling a recipe.
   
2. Pick up trash. When I was small, every summer we would go on a two week family camping trip to Lake Almanor, Calfornia. One day each year, my Dad would request large platic bags from the Park Rangers and my siblings and I would walk around the lake picking up trash.  We had a great time doing it, and it felt so good to turn in 4 huge bags of trash at the end of the day.  In case you wondered if nature was animate, I can confirm it is.  I swear, you can see a clean natural landscape smile at you after picking up trash.  Try it yourself and report back!
   
3. Send a silent message to a victim on the news.  Today's media is filled with so much doom, despair and terror that it is enough to make you want to bury your head in a pillow.  Instead, after hearing a heartbreaking story, send the loving kindness meditation in the direction of the people affected.  You never know, they just may feel it.
   
4. Use it when tossing and turning at night.  I am pretty good at getting through a stressful day, but worries start talking to me as soon as my head hits the pillow. When this happens, take a deep breath and recite the meditation. 
   
5. Send an uplifting email to someone you admire.  During the time that I was writing this post, I got two emails:  one from my god daughter Maria Jose that told me she was getting a 4.0 average this semester, and one from a new reader who wanted to express appreciation for my blog.  Both gave me the "loving kindness" feeling inside.  Your message doesn't have to be long -- one or two sentences will do. 
6. Hold the door for someone.  It is amazing how often we forget to do this small, simple gesture to demonstrate to a stranger that we see them, acknowledge them, and want to make their day just a little bit easier.
   
7. Pay the toll for the car behind you.  This is one of my favorite things to do.  When I lived in the Bay Area, I did it all the time.  There is nothing better than seeing the surprised expression on the face of the person in the car behind you.
8. Smile at someone in the street.  Big cities are notorious for people passing by without looking each other in the eye.  For a change, look at someone you don't know and smile at them. 
9. Introduce yourself to someone you see often and don't know.  In large offices or huge housing developments, you can spend months or even years walking by people without acknowledging them.  You may be surprised at how good it feels to simply introduce yourself and extend your hand.  The people we tend to ignore the most:  janitors, mail delivery people,gardeners and repair people.
10. When someone makes way for you on the road, wave.  We all fall victim to occasional road rage if someone cuts us off or comes dangerously close behind us.  What about when someone does something nice?  Let them know with a friendly wave and big smile.

We can't control what happens to us, but we can certainly control how we react to it.  When love and kindness are in the center of your attention, everything else falls into place.

My wish for you right now?

May you be happy

May you be well

May you be free from suffering

May you be safe

Try it, and let me know how it works!

For more on loving kindness, see this helpful post.

Announcing newest little startup around the Slim household

Hi Everyone!

Just a personal note to let you know that we welcomed Angela Rose Slim into the world on Monday night, October 1.  She is a happy, peaceful and healthy little girl.

As in my previous experience with Josh, after going through the birth process, I have tremendous admiration for every single mother in the world.  Truly, there is nothing I have every experienced that is more powerful and profound than bringing forth a new little life.  It sure is humbling!

On behalf of my whole family, I want to thank all of you blog readers who have given me support throughout the whole pregnancy.  There is nothing that makes me feel better than knowing I am bringing my little girl into a world of people who are loving, optimistic and encouraging. 

I will be taking a little time off to recover and get used to not sleeping again, but will be back to blogging in the near future, as it is one activity that does not feel like "work" at all.  One can only focus on feedings and diaper changing for so long!

Let freedom ring

Here in the U.S., we celebrate July 4 as a national holiday, marking the day that our forefathers signed the Declaration of Independence and officially cut governing ties with colonial powers in England.  It is a strong and compelling document that provides a lot of inspiration for a lot of people.  Of course I take issue with the "merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions" portion, but, hey, such is the multilayered reality of any historical event. 

Freedom, however, is a very worthy thing to celebrate, so I hope you do today!

To help, here is a recap of some of my freedom-inspired writings and doings from the last year or so, in addition to my favorite freedom speech:

12 Ways to Feel More Free in 2007 - ezine article from December, 2006.  (If you read it before, how are you doing at the halfway mark of this year?)

My Declaration of Independence - 3 minute flash movie I created to inspire cube-dwellers to leave the cave and stand in the natural light of entrepreneurship.

Stop playing small, a short podcast that encourages you to step out from behind the curtain, or someone else's coattails and play big.

Freedom is not a state of employment, it is a state of mind - a post from last year about how your perception of reality creates it.

I Have a Dream, by Martin Luther King, Jr..  No matter how many times I hear this speech, I get shivers up and down my spine and tears roll down my face.  What great inspiration for all of us to keep pushing for freedom in our lives, families, societies and world.

Happy Independence Day everyone, wherever you are.  Maybe today is the day to set yourself free!

And I almost forgot ... I am holding my free escape call today at 3pm Eastern for anyone who is serious about wanting help leaving the cube.  Sign up here.

The best Father's Day lesson a Dad can give

My Dad gives me the best gift any father can give a child each and every day:  he absolutely loves his work.

He is a photojournalist, and from the time I can remember, he has involved me in the process of taking pictures and writing stories.  When I was very young, he had a darkroom with chemical baths where he would use large wooden tongs to swish and dip photo paper, before hanging it on a line to dry.  I would watch in amazement as pictures would come to life from a blank white page to striking, black and white images.

As the years progressed, the technology changed from chemical baths to large photo processing machines to computers.  But we maintained our conversation about pictures and stories, about work and creativity despite the change in environments and technology.

Of the many things I am grateful to my Dad for, this is primary:  by loving his work and doing it professionally, he showed me that I can express my true self through my work.

Many fathers have the worthy and noble perspective of wanting to take care of their family's material needs first, then attend to their own interests and passions.  There is nothing wrong with providing financial stability and support to a family; it should be commended and encouraged.

But many also use this desire to provide financial stability to their families as an excuse for not moving forward with their dreams. 

"I would love to open my own business, but I have to put my kids through college, and they are only in grammar school now."

"It would be nice to love what I do ... but I have lots of bills to pay, so for now, I will sacrifice myself for my kids."

Such statements, while very "real," (who can argue with wanting to put your kids through college or pay bills?) mask the fact that you can choose to make changes to your livelihood while continuing to support your kids emotionally and financially.  Yes, it will involve effort and sacrifice.  Yes, it will involved risk and uncertainty.  But thousands of fathers, just like you, do it every day.

When your kids see you passionately committed to making your work life work, they pay attention.  As a daughter, and now as a Mom, I know this is true.  I stick with my dreams because I feel the unwavering support of my father and my husband every day.  My two-year old son sees the pride in my husband's eyes as he comes home, exhausted but proud of his hard day's work.  My husband does not grumble or complain about work.  He is grateful for his business, and pushes himself to learn and grow every day.

My own father spent 8 years of his career working in an oil refinery, because he was unable to get a full-time photographer position, and life circumstances dictated a need for a predictable income.  But in the evenings and weekends, he had his camera in hand, and continued to submit stories and photos to newspapers and magazines.  When he was able to break back into the profession full-time, he was much happier.

Sometimes you do what you need to do to take care of your family.  This is nothing to be ashamed of.  But don't let it become a habit, or an excuse.

My wish for you fathers out there today is that you give yourself the gift of permission.  Permission to live bigger.  To pursue your creativity and passion, even if it takes a few years to see the fruits of your efforts.  And permission to discard any excuses of sticking with something you hate for the sake of anyone. 

Your kids will thank you for it.

Happy Father's Day Dad!  I love you.

And Happy Father's Day Darryl ... I couldn't wish for a better father to my kids.

Photo credit:  Sergio Lopez, the nicest and best damn wedding photographer I know.

No matter how busy you get, there are some things you should not forget

All of us are very busy.  We have consuming jobs, families, businesses to manage and errands to run.  If you are in the process of simultaneously working full-time as an employee and building a business on the side, your time pressures are even more extreme.

This is no excuse for letting certain things slide.

I called my best friend Desiree today (Tuesday) to catch up on the latest from her corner of Americus, Georgia.  And during the course of our conversation, she let it slip that her birthday was on Sunday.  Yeah, the Sunday as in two days ago, the one that I, her best friend, forgot.  Despite the fact that we had chatted about it on the phone last Thursday.

After apologizing profusely, I couldn't shake the very crappy feeling I had for letting the details of my life overtake that which I hold most dear.  It got me thinking:

There are certain things you should never let slide such as:

• The birthdays of your spouse and kids
• The birthdays of your parents
• The birthdays of your grandparents
• The birthdays of your siblings
• The birthday of your best friend
• Your wedding anniversary (if married)
• Uttering (with real feeling) the words "I love you" to your spouse and kids each day

I don't say this to guilt trip anyone, for guilt is highly overrated and generally leads to misery, not action.  I say it so that you make sure to do the following things:

1. Create your own list of "I must remember these dates."  Don't make it too big -- no one cares if you don't send a Saint Patrick's day or Halloween card.
2. Examine each item, and decide what action you want to take on each.  For some, it may be just a phone call.  For others, it is buying and shipping a gift or setting aside a whole day to spend time together.
3. Place each item with the corresponding time required in your calendar.  So if your brother lives across country and you want to send a gift as well as call, put one date for "ship present to bro" and another (on the birthday itself) for "call bro and wish happy b-day." If you are really into organizing, schedule time to shop for and buy the gift as well.
4. Get a system of accountability in place to make sure you complete the task.  Sometimes calendaring the item isn't enough.  You may need to send a post-dated email to yourself to remind you.  Or have your assistant (if you have one) put it in his/her tickler system for you.  Or put a huge post-it note on your bathroom window.  Whatever it takes for you personally to get it done.

Human relationships are fragile.  I have learned this the hard way by being "too busy" and letting some precious friendships slip through my fingers. 

Desiree and I have been through a lot together in our 22+ years of friendship, so I know this is not a deal-breaker.  It will not stop us from cackling with no teeth in our rocking chairs when we are 92. But I do know that it has motivated me to step up and take action so that it doesn't happen again.

Learn from my mistake -- get your "important" list done today.

12 ways to feel more free in 2007

New Years is my favorite holiday of the year.  I get filled with a huge sense of optimism, creativity and imagination.  Rather than getting overwhelmed with New Year's Resolutions, I tend to think about the major ways in which I want to use my life for good.

This year, my overwhelming purpose is to use my skills, creativity and imagination to inspire freedom through work in as many people as I can.  I will do this through writing, blogging, coaching, teaching and presenting.  As a way to kick-start this process, this month's ezine article is on 12 Ways to Feel More Free in 2007.  The full scoop is here.  Here are the highlights:

If there is any defining value in my life, it has to be freedom.

I define living a life with freedom as acting with joy, not obligation, honest expression, responsibility for choices and not taking direction from any external oppressive force.

I learned to truly appreciate freedom after having some life experiences where I gave up my freedom and allowed myself to feel trapped, oppressed, resentful, afraid and smothered.  What I learned from that experience is that I was the only one who could grant myself freedom.  No one can oppress you without your permission. 

Here are some areas in which you can feel more free this year:

1. Freedom from comparing yourself to others
2. Freedom from unhealthy relationships
3. Freedom from regret
4. Freedom from clutter
5. Freedom from financial chaos and dread
6. Freedom from drama
7. Freedom from couch or computer butt
8. Freedom from a manic pace
9. Freedom from perpetual dissatisfaction
10. Freedom from the elusive dream
11. Freedom from playing small
12. Freedom from work you detest

When my husband was a little boy, his grandpa would wake him up before the sun came up and lead him outside.  Facing east, he would take out a bag of corn pollen and say his traditional Navajo morning prayers.

When he was done, he would say "Grandson, this is a brand new day.  It has never been used, never been touched.  Enjoy it.  Ya at eeh. (It is good.)"

I invite you to greet the new year that way tomorrow.  It is a brand new day, has never been touched, never been used.  You can choose to make it a year of joy, growth, pleasure and freedom.

Ya at eeh.  It is good.

Need last minute gift ideas for the creative person on your list?

My favorite Garr Reynolds of Presentation Zen just put together an extremely cool list of gifts (mainly books) based on what he has read or used this year.  I wanted to buy almost all of them, since even though I am not a designer, I love books about design. 

One or a couple would make great gifts for the designer in your life.

Garr has a clean, cool aesthetic. In my next life, I want to be able to explain things as clearly and create visuals just like him.

Remembering the lessons from my dear friend Carlos Aceituno

Yesterday I got some heartbreaking news that my dear friend Carlos Aceituno passed away from heart failure.  It was completely unexpected and there were no real warning signs besides headache and fatigue.  He was in his mid-40s.

This picture was taken last Friday, when he attended a wedding of some of his older students.

I met Carlos 20 years ago in San Francisco in my first capoeira class (that is the name of the Afro-Brazilian martial art that I trained for over 10 years).  He was bright, vibrant, creative and kind from the first day I met him.  Originally from Guatemala, Carlos adopted Afro-Brazilian culture and built a long career as a martial arts, music and dance teacher.  He taught free classes for kids as long as I knew him, often in neighborhoods where there was high crime and few positive male role models.

He was instrumental in creating and sustaining a creative community at the Mission Cultural Center in San Francisco and Malonga Casqualourd Center for the Arts in Oakland where he taught for over a decade.  Much more than a teacher, he was the kind of person who knew and loved everyone and was always laughing and joking with the other teachers and artists.

A tremendously talented musician and performer, he did shows all throughout the Bay Area, even opening for Carlos Santana (who coincidentally, is a big supporter of Mission Cultural Center).  Each year he would take a group to Brazil for master training and research.

We both were the early students of Master Preguica from Brazil.  Throughout the years, Carlos and I worked closely together to build a thriving school and, with the help of the other adult students, to expand the youth program from 5 to 250 students.  He was tireless, always teaching, encouraging and inspiring those around him. 

He also taught Afro-Brazilian dance and each year would compete in the San Francisco Carnival Parade with his group Fogo Na Roupa.  They won first place the last two years with excellent music, choreography and costumes.

But the magic of Carlos was not just his musical and dance talent, it was his way of being.  He was a true universal spirit, welcoming people from any race, color and background into his class.  His samba group had doctors and lawyers shimmying next to community activists, blue collar workers and children.  He was comfortable with the young and old, wealthy and poor, and treated everyone he met with utmost respect.

I feel shocked by his quick and totally unexpected death.  It feels like he still had so much to do in the world, so many more people to influence with his passion for the arts, and so many more kids to help nurture and grow.  But for reasons I don't understand yet accept, it was his time to go.

I am thankful to have known a brother like Carlos that lived and breathed the work he was meant to do every day of his life.  One of our first teenage students named Geovannie (who we met as a 14 year old kid from  the projects who did graffiti for fun and is now 27 and has his own consulting firm) just told me this morning:

"I wish I could show everyone Carlos' car.  At all times, it had at least 3 drums in it, 3 clean capoeira pants and flyers for his classes and upcoming shows.  There was never a moment when he wasn't working on something creative. Carlos lived his art all the way - he was the real thing."

There are people whose lives are much bigger than most, not in their fame, but in their impact.  The Bay Area has lost a true friend and leader.  Many, many young people have lost a father and uncle figure that they desperately needed.

The best way that I can think of to honor Carlos' life is to live how he did.  Do the work you are meant to do.  Consider all your community's children your own.  Be creative.  And spend your life building bridges between all people, not dividing them.

My heartfelt condolences go out to his girlfriend Regina and his family.  Rest in peace brother, you will be missed.

---

Update Monday 10/2/06:

I just wanted to say thank you SO MUCH for all the kind emails and blog comments about Carlos.  I went to San Francisco this weekend for his service and it was amazing.  Many of us congregated in the room at Mission Cultural Center where he taught music, dance and capoeira for many years.  There were candles around the perimeter of the room, and pictures of him laughing, dancing and playing music.  Everyone then gathered around a group of musicians, many of whom had learned to play from Carlos.  They started with a slow and somber rhythm from one drum, then exploded into the rich and expressive Afro-Brazilian rhythms that Carlos loved so much.  Everyone in the room started dancing, many raising their hands in the air.  You could see tears streaming down many faces as they moved to the music, but for most they were tears of joy at having known and loved Carlos.  I have never experienced a more uplifting, fitting tribute to someone's life, and I have to believe that Carlos was there with us, directing the musicians as he always did.

A very old friend who trained capoeira with Carlos and I turned to me and whispered:  "When I go, THIS is how I want to be remembered!"  I totally agree.

Just as Carlos inherited his love and spirit of music and dance from those teachers that came before him, his generation of students will carry it forward for many more to enjoy.

Don't put things off

I got a message from my friend Sophronia Scott today, who runs a business called The Book Sistah which helps aspiring writers get their books written and published.  In her message, she said:

"Forgive me if I'm a bit out of sorts today. I'm still reeling from some terrible news. Earlier this month I received a wonderful note from a new subscriber, "Linda" (not her real name), telling me how much she was learning from my work and outlining what she intended to do to get her book published. These steps included targeting her article-writing topics more and starting her own newsletter. I responded with words of encouragement and asking to hear more about her project.

Yesterday I received an email from Linda's daughter telling me that a few days ago her mother had been in a fatal car accident. "I know that she had been trying desperately to get her book published," the note said, "and when everything settles down a bit I am going to do everything I can to make this dream come true for her." I was shocked and saddened. You'll recall I have written here about the early deaths of writers August Wilson, Wendy Wasserstein and Octavia Butler and how they reminded me that we don't know how long we have to use our creative talents. But Linda's loss hits even closer to home because I experienced a small bit of her passion and untapped potential. It is a loss for all of us because we might never know how we might have been changed by what she had to offer.

Don't Put It Off
I guess I'm saying this is another reminder that if something is important to you, don't put it off. "

I want to echo Sophronia's thoughts as I think about all of our "life's work" that we sometimes let slip and slide with the hectic pace of our lives.  If you are teetering on the edge of a big change or putting off something important, please take this as encouragement to get going.  Don't put it off for tomorrow.