Escape from Cubicle Nation

How to avoid being "fan boy" or "fan girl" when building relationships with people you admire

Over the years, I have developed deep respect for authors  like Jim Collins, Martha Beck, Guy Kawasaki, Seth Godin, Kathy Sierra, Steven Pressfield and Isabelle Allende.  I adore the wit and creativity of people like Ze Frank and Hugh McLeod. I appreciate the down-to-earth business wisdom of John Jantsch, Rich and Jeff Sloan and Andrea Lee.

Maybe your list includes Joel Spolsky or Malcolm Gladwell or Anne Lamott.  Or someone with much less public exposure, like the Vice President of your company, or your neighbor down the street with a fantastic marriage or the woman at your gym who has six kids and abs of steel.

Whomever you note on your "cool smart I wanna be like them when I grow up" list, you can and should look for ways to build relationships with them.

But, as creatures still stinging from the social dynamics of junior high, we can fall into "fan boy or fan girl traps" which not only make us feel insecure, but turn off the very people we are trying to impress.

So here are my tips, learned from the school of hard knocks:

Fan Boy and Fan Girl Traps to Avoid

1. You are the best and I worship you!  Lather, rinse, repeat.
   I often start correspondence with people I admire by telling them how great they are.  I don't think there is anything wrong with that, as long as you say it sincerely and with no ulterior motive.  The problem is when you continually gush in each subsequent conversation.  It gets uncomfortable and tiresome for them and gets in the way of good conversation for you.
   
   Alternative:  You are the best and I worship you.  Now that that's out of the way, let's get to know each other.  Have you read this book?
2. I am a nobody.
   In an attempt to be humble, you may write "I don't mean to bother you with my message, since I know you are doing great things and I am a nobody." This is rubbish.  We are all equal.  Some people have accomplished a lot in their lives, written great works, sculpted strong glutes, or whatever you consider noteworthy.  But this does not make them a superior human being.  You can have admiration for someone while still being proud of who you are.  It goes to my theory of relationships formed in Jr. High:  no one wants the person who needs them too much.  Don't be the girl (or boy) desperate for a date.
   
   Alternative:  You are very cool, and so am I in my own right. (Don't use those words of course, but convey it in your attitude, conversation and body language, if meeting in person)
3. I will convince you that I am worthy by spouting off my entire CV.
   I just said that you are somebody worth talking to.  This is true!  But you don't need to reinforce this by sharing your every accomplishment since getting a gold star for "most cooperative" in preschool.  Let the relationship develop naturally.  As you share information and converse, each of you will develop natural interest in the other.  Or not! 
   
   Alternative:  Save the marketing pitch for your evening telemarketing job.  Be yourself, and trust that if you make a real connection with someone you admire, they will be interested in you.  If they aren't, you can continue to admire their work from afar and pursue other mutually beneficial relationships.
4. Nice to meet you!  Please, oh please, will you be my mentor?
   Think about the current mentors in your life.  Did you like and trust them immediately?  Or did your relationship grow with time and work and mutual support?  Sometimes in your desire to learn as much as you can from people you admire, you ask them for specific support and guidance without having any consideration for their time.  A favorite is "you are an expert in my field, would you mind reviewing my 20-page business plan?"
   
   Alternative: Respect your own time and that of busy people.  Mentors grow naturally, they are not manufactured.  More tips on finding a mentor here.
5. You know everyone.  Please link to my stuff.
   We are all familiar with the context in which the word "foreplay" is normally used.  The same applies to building business relationships. Just as you wouldn't grope a potential mate the first time you meet him or her at a party, you shouldn't immediately demand an intimate business action upon meeting someone new.  I think linking to someone is an intimate act.  It means I like what I read, and trust the source.
   
   Alterative:  It is absolutely fine to say "This is what I'm working on.  I thought you might be interested.  Enjoy!"  Just leave off  "would you link to it?"  Or even worse, "I'll link to you if you link to me."  If you wrote a true gem that fits with their audience's needs, they will link to it.  If not, move on.
6. You can do no wrong.
   Everyone screws up. Sometimes we overlook glaring faults because of our cult-like devotion to the image of a person we admire.  This is not helpful to you or to them. 
   
   Alternative:  When someone you admire does something you don't agree with, let them know in a kind and straightforward way.  "I really admire your business sense.  But your latest advertising partnership with "Stomp bunnies and puppies LLC" seems really out of sync with who you are.  What is your rationale for this decision?" Or "You are the most brilliant person I know in x subject.  But telling a female reader of your blog to stop pulling "that woman stuff" on you was demeaning to your character, not to mention highly damaging to your brand given the amount of female clients who purchase your services.  I suggest apologizing for the comment, since it could have some long-lasting negative consequences to your business."

I still get giddy when in the presence of people I admire.  When I got to meet and interview childhood feminist icon Gloria Steinem, I even took on the look of a possessed madwoman.  So if you heed my advice, know that I need it as much as you do.

Please share your anti-fan boy or fan girl tips here!

Interested in a "what should I do with my life" workshop?

Most of you who read my blog know that I love to work with people in corporate jobs who have a hot idea for a business but are perplexed by how to make it happen.  That is the primary focus of my coaching work, and I try to stay clear on that, to follow my own advice of choosing a niche and sticking to it.

But I get quite a few (hundred, actually) emails from people who say they know they are not happy in their jobs but have no idea what to do next.  Up to this point, I have said to most of them:

"Go buy Martha Beck's book Finding Your Own North Star and go through the exercises.  If, after doing that, you get clear that you want to start a business, call me and we can discuss working together.  If not, I would be happy to refer you to great career counselors who can help you find a more rewarding job."

I point people to this book since I consider it a prerequisite to any kind of career work.  It has fantastic exercises for deciphering your conflicting desires, clarifying what you enjoy doing, clearing out any crappy thoughts that get in your way and providing a clear framework for making it through a career transition successfully. I have read it many, many times, and each time have gained new insight into my own path in life.

So recently, my friend and fellow Martha Beck master coach Brooke Castillo gave me a great idea:  she taught a 12-week teleclass using the book where each week the group would work through one chapter. She said it was an amazing and valuable experience for the participants.  I got really fired up, since I think it would be a blast, and a great way to help a group of people who feel kind of lost. 

So before putting anything "official" together, I wanted to test interest.  Does something like this sound fun to you? 

Class details:

Dates:  Start sometime in July
Meetings:  1 hour every week for 12-15 weeks (depending on if we cover one chapter a week or collapse a couple)
Format:  Conference call, recorded if you miss.  Private web forum available for participants for questions, sharing feedback, my coaching etc.
Cost:  I'm thinking around $500, but that is not yet set in stone

If it sounds good, would you mind signing up on this list?  That way I can gauge interest, and send  information to those who want more.  Feel free to email questions to pcs (at) ganas (dot) com.

Please remember to look for a confirmation email right after you sign up, as you have to open it and click the link to validate your subscription to this list, in order to get the follow up emails.

Thanks for your input!  I am looking forward to it.

Profiled on Entrepreneur.com: Weekend Entrepreneur

Michelle Anton, author of the Weekend Entrepreneur blog on the Entrepreneur.com network, was kind enough to publish an interview with me on her site today, Living Happily Ever After Escaping the Cubicle.  Check it out, and leave a note!

The focus of Weekend Entrepreneur is entrepreneurial ventures you can start on the side of a day job so that you test the waters of being a business owner, bring in extra cash, scratch a creative itch or just try something new.  It is a strategy I highly recommend, as it can give you first-hand knowledge of the reality of being your own boss.  I have mentioned theory vs. reality before on the blog, with my homemade drawings that illustrate what my college professor drew for us on the white board before we embarked on an international study program:

Which is quickly matched with life "on the ground":

Any of you out there who have made the leap to entrepreneurship know what I am talking about!

Entrepreneur.com has some great information, including my favorite business mentor Tim Berry's blog Up and Running.

Michelle recently co-wrote Weekend Entrepreneur:  101 Great Ways to Earn Extra Cash in Your Spare Time, based on ideas profiled on her blog.  I am sure that extra cash sounds good to many of you out there these days. 

Thank you so much Michelle for the opportunity to meet your readers!

How do you know which of your inner voices to trust?

My post on Martha Beck's blog this week deals with anxiety that arises when in pursuit of your dreams.  It is more common than you think!  Enjoy.

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A core part of Martha's approach to life coaching is the concept of the Body Compass.  Housed deep inside you, your compass is always pointed True North, towards the life that will make you happy, healthy, wealthy and wise.

The body compass speaks through your physical body.  So as you think of incredibly positive experiences in your life, you pay attention to how your body feels when you are having this experience.  Then, you do the same for incredibly negative experiences.   (See complete Body Compass instructions at the end of this post)

Everyone is different, but many people find the following physical reactions when they are pointed in a positive direction:

• Open, full breathing
• Relaxed muscles, especially in the shoulder and neck area
• A feeling of lightness and openness in the head

When pointed in a negative direction, they find the following physical reactions:

• muscle constriction in general, in the shoulder and neck area in particular
• tightness or "pit" in stomach
• headaches, inability to concentrate

With this information, when you are faced with tough decisions, you can use your physical feelings to guide you towards a good answer. But here is the catch:  What do you do when your body compass talks trash?

Here is an example:

My client was frustrated on our call. He is a talented musician who has wrestled with the idea of performing full-time professionally vs doing it for kicks on the side of a day job. He was unsure of the right answer, since in the past when he had done lots of live performances, he was plagued by insomnia the night before shows. After doing the body compass exercise and lots of research and reflection, he came to the conclusion that he did, indeed, want to do music professionally.  He scheduled a show, and shared the following experience with me:

"I don't know about this body compass stuff. I did all this work to get clear on what I wanted to do, and it all pointed to music. I scheduled a gig that I was excited about and all seemed well. Then the night before my performance, the insomnia hit again. When I would start to drift off to sleep, it felt like a chemical would shoot through my body and my eyes would fly open. If music is something that I am supposed to do, why am I getting such a strong negative signal from my body when I pursue it? Does this mean the body compass is bunk, I am moving in the wrong direction, or my compass is broken?"

I had an inkling that what my client was feeling was a strong case of lizard fears.  To check my assumptions, I called Martha.  After explaining my client's situation, she said:

"Now that you mention it, in my books, I have never directly addressed the issue of how anxiety frequently comes up when you are on your path to your North Star.  In my own life, I felt intense anxiety, sometimes paralyzing, when making positive life changes like writing a book or becoming a life coach.  I am so used to it that I never thought to write about it.  But it is very common, and can make it really hard to read your body compass."

She suggested I look at the physical symptoms of anxiety disorders.  This is what I discovered, via the National Institute of Mental Health:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder GAD is diagnosed when a person worries excessively about a variety of everyday problems for at least 6 months. People with GAD can’t seem to get rid of their concerns, even though they usually realize that their anxiety is more intense than the situation warrants. They can’t relax, startle easily, and have difficulty concentrating. Often they have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Physical symptoms that often accompany the anxiety include:

• fatigue
• headaches
• muscle tension
• muscle aches
• difficulty swallowing
• trembling
• twitching
• irritability
• sweating
• nausea
• lightheadedness
• having to go to the bathroom frequently
• feeling out of breath
• hot flashes

Do you notice the link with these physical symptoms and the negative body compass symptoms?   Not everyone will have full-blown General Anxiety Disorder of course, but many of us experience mild versions, like my client's insomnia.

Why do we get so anxious when we are headed in the right direction?

Steven Pressfield, in his brilliant book The War of Art describes it this way:

"Are you paralyzed with fear?  That's a good sign.

Fear is good.  Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator.  Fear tells us what we have to do.

Remember our rule of thumb:  The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.

Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates to the strength of Resistance.  Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul.  That's why we feel so much Resistance.  If it meant nothing to us, there'd be no Resistance.

Have you ever watched Inside the Actors Studio?  The host, James Lipton, invariably asks his guests, 'What factors make you decide to take on a particular role?' The actor always answers: 'Because I'm afraid of it.'

Anxiety can hit anyone, regardless of his or her level of talent (Sir Laurence Olivier and Barbara Streisand both  developed social anxiety disorder at the height of their careers).  It makes sense that enormous talent would feel like an enormous responsibility, which can lead to anxiety.

So how can you distinguish between "anxiety because you are on the right path" and a "negative body compass reading," which means you are heading away from your North Star? read the rest here, and don't miss the instructional video I conned my son Jeffery into doing with me.  Ah, the perils of a life coach in the family!

Escape from Cubicle Nation now has a theme song: The Cube by Owen Sartori

Sometimes things fall in my lap that I don't even realize I am looking for.

A few months ago, I got an email from Owen Sartori, a cube-dwelling computer programmer-turned full time musician from Minneapolis.  He said:

"Hi Pam!  I love your blog and wrote a song that you might really enjoy.  It could be Escape from Cubicle Nation's theme!"

I listened to the song, for the first of at least 50 times, and can't agree more!  Here are the lyrics (the song launches when you go to his MySpace page):

The Cube
by Owen Sartori

Another beautiful day in the cube

There's data to be entered by this paper-pushing fool

You know, I never see the connection

between the face in the computer's reflection and this micromanaged you

So tired, so barren, so bloody uninspired

Call it cubicle or coffin

from the moment that I log in my mind plays hide-and-seek

You know, I never feel like working

If they knew how much they pay me for surfing I wouldn't last a week

command or strong demand that this...

That this should be my life

Such a cruel joke that this should be my life

Oh, my life

What's important is the paycheck

If you can never mind the train wreck you just might make it through the week

What a pitiful existence

always kneeling to the resistance, never rising up to take yourself a peek

over this grey divider, this foul obstruction, this shameful notion...

That this...  That this should be my life

Such a cruel joke that this should be my life

Oh, such a cruel joke that this should be my life

I'm more startled than I'm scared

More angry than I'm sad I'm not yet there

fool me once I'm still the shameful, still the fool and still to blame for this.

That this should be my life

Such a cruel joke that this should be my life

Oh, such a cruel joke that this should be my life

I'm more startled than I'm scared

More angry than I'm sad

One of the things that I love the most about this connection is that Owen is writing from personal experience.  And, of course, that he escaped, realizing that the "cruel joke" of cube dwelling "was not his life."

The Cube is the title from his new CD, Another Beautiful Day in the Cube.  If you love the song or the album, buy it!  By supporting independent musicians, you support entrepreneurship in general.  The iTunes link is here (you need iTunes to access it) or you can get it from Burst Records.

Great work Owen!

I am already having fantasies of a speaking tour to promote the book which begin by blasting The Cube loudly in the room.  :)

Media request: woman 40 + who wants to make big career change and needs help

This has been a busy week in the media department!

I got a request from a major magazine looking for the following:

"We are looking for a woman over 40 who is making a major career change and needs some help from our new advice column.  Examples could be giving up her career on Wall Street to start a jewelry business or go from schoolteacher to karate instructor.  Whatever the case, she is a woman who is in the process of giving her career a makeover-but she is unsure of the next step."

Does this sound like you?  If so, please respond ASAP (by tomorrow, June 14) with the following:

• Name
• Phone/email
• Age
• Type of career change you are making
• Struggles you are facing

It can be short -- just get to the point.

Send this to me at pcs (at) ganas (dot) com with the subject line:  Career change over 40

Thanks and good luck!

The Red Mahogony Luxury Paneled Cubicle with Dark Cherry Hardwood Floors

How is this as inspiration for making the best of a less-than-ideal situation?

Jared Nielson sent me this picture this morning and I couldn't help but share it.  He says:

In an era of socialized information technology, there is the opportunity to re-capitalize the space and demonstrate that originality trumps equality, that shoving capitalists into socialist boxes only create unhappy socialists, and red mahogany generally kicks ass...

Maybe it's time to think "inside the box" eh?

Read about his makeover project here.

 

Economy got you down? Get out of the fetal position and start seeing the pockets of gold around you

The excitement of an economic boom is intoxicating.

I lived and worked in Silicon Valley right in the middle of the "web crack" growth period.  There was a buzz in the air that lifted everyone's feet a few inches off the ground.  People were meeting and pitching and partnering and hiring and planning on taking over the world.  Consulting work was abundant, and projects always grew in scope.  Engineers straight out of college got BMWs as signing bonuses.

Then, the crash.

Bravado turned to desperation.  Buildings were shuttered, cars were repossessed, up-and-coming engineers moved back in with their parents.

Sound familiar?

If I see one more news story about the rising price of gas, I am going to throw my television out of the window.

Things are tough right now, that is for sure.

BUT WE ARE NOT DEAD!

Every economic downturn has tremendous potential for the few smart people who choose to see it as an opportunity to shake things up.

If you are a business owner, this is what you should do right now:

• Make your customers feel better and safer.  No matter the market or industry, people are skittish.  How can you bring a feeling of safety, comfort and security to every interaction with your customers?
  
  • If you have a cafe, clean up and make things cozy. Turn the chairs towards each other.  Invite great speakers and musicians to come in for special events.  Play good music. Provide great reading material.  Connect people with each other.
  • If you are a financial planner, stop harping on retirement and start helping your clients ease their money pressures today. Be positive and encouraging.  The news covers gloom and doom exceptionally well, so give people hope!
  • If you are a coach, help your clients get in touch with their inner strength and sense of humor.
  • You know those people in your life you call when you have a crisis?  Be that person.  Let your empathy, clear mind and optimistic attitude be your customer's rock.
• Find new ways to squeeze blood out of a turnip.  You may not have needed to look at the economics of your life or business while things were good.  Now that they are tight, find any way to prune, cut or reduce unnecessary expenses.  Examine your business processes and cut anything extraneous.  You might look to outsource certain tasks (which costs money) so that you can totally focus your energy on strategic efforts (like working with more clients, finishing projects, speaking and marketing, which will more than pay for your outsourced efforts) Seth Godin suggests only investing in things that will increase in value:  your business, your house, your education.
  
• Rethink your market.  Here in Phoenix, Arizona, we are experiencing our own economic nightmare in the real estate industry.  Many formerly successful agents are in panic mode, desperately trying to sell homes in a spiraling market.  But a few smart ones retooled their businesses to help people manage the foreclosure process on their homes.  They are taking their knowledge of the market and customers to provide a useful service. 
  
  How do you find your new markets?  Ask the following questions:
  
  
  • What is happening in my industry?  (businesses are consolidating, individuals have less discretionary income, gas prices are driving product costs through the roof, etc.)
  • Which problems do these changes create? (business launches are delayed, capital spending is curtailed, credit scores fall with late payments, etc.)
  • How can I use my skills to provide a solution to these problems? (instead of helping people leave jobs today, help them learn as much as they can in current job; instead of helping them buy new computers and servers, teach them how to get most out of what they have; instead of selling costly in-person events, create useful, cheaper virtual events that don't require travel,etc.)
• Show customers the quickest path to money.
  • If you are a VA or copyrighting type that works with service professionals, do you know that thousands of them have e-books or audio products or workshop ideas that are 80% done, sitting in a folder on a hard drive somewhere gathering electronic dust?  If you know how to finish and launch a project, create a "we get it done and out the door!" program.  Most people get stuck in the last 5% of the project (setting up the shopping cart and sales page, formatting the ebook, etc.), so help them complete things in the quickest way possible.
    
  • Reduce/reuse/recycle.  Many people think they need to create totally new material all the time for products or services.  You don't!  Help your client create a killer workshop out of a great series of blog posts.  Turn a popular series of podcasts into an audio product.  Use your imagination -- how can you repackage what you already have and sell it?
• Find complementary partners
  Almost everyone is feeling the pinch drumming up business alone.  But what if you looked for partners that bring complimentary services to your business?  The example that jumped to mind is personal organizers teaming with eBay experts.  You could come up with a package to guarantee that you can cover the cost of your services (and more) by not only clearing out junk, but reselling it to the right places.
  
• Monetize the little things
  Are you like me and recommend the same people and services over and over?  I have gotten really lazy with affiliate links since I don't want to appear greedy or self-interested.  Really, I am being silly by leaving perfectly good diaper money on the table.  Here is a guideline to follow:
  • Only promote really great products and services you believe in.  If you don't believe in them, don't promote them. 
  • If you use affiliate links, let people know.
  • Done - conflict of interest solved.  If anyone disagrees, ask them to kindly buy your diapers (or toner cartridges or whatever you spend your money on) for you.
• Do what you are meant to do
  JK Rowling gave a wonderful address to Harvard graduates last week where she spoke of failure and imagination.  Describing the place from which she wrote Harry Potter, she said:
  
  "So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."
• SAY SOMETHING AND MEAN IT!
  The time for a safe and boring brand is gone.  If you whither up and shrink as the market gets scared,  kiss off your business. Instead, do what marketing freight train Peter Shankman is doing to the PR peers in his market -- kicking their ass!  His Help a Reporter service is powered by the most basic technology: an aweber mailing list service and a web page with a form. With these simple tools and a gigantic personality, he is connecting with top media organizations and providing a very useful service.  He is leading his market, and having fun doing it.

I can't be the only one sick of cowering in the shadow of terrible news.  What are your ideas for blasting through this crisis/opportunity?

Graphic designers looking for a little exposure ... enter Alltop badge contest

The ever-twittering Guy Kawasaki shared a link to a small contest his latest project  is promoting:  The Alltop Badge Faceoff.

You may not win, but your name and work will get out there in front of people who have their fingers in many pies.

And if you do win, you may see your work on influential blogs all over the internet.  Plus you get a new iPod Touch.  Not bad.

If interested, enter here.

I do think that Guy's image on the contest page looks like the Hawaiian hockey-playing version of Morgan Freeman's God from Bruce Almighty.  What do you think?

Have a great product idea that you want to bring to market?

 

Are you a garage inventor with a great new gadget that you would love to see grace the shelves of stores worldwide?

For fun, why don't you try out for the PBS show Everyday Edisons?  (You may note that this follows my "Do something wacky" recommendation in my previous post about re-juicing creativity)

For the first time, they are opening the audition process to the internet, and inviting people to pitch using video.  The submission process is from June 2-23, 2008.

Here is a promo snippet for their show: (link here in case you can't view)

To register, go here and click on the "live product search" box in the right-hand corner.

Good luck -- how fun would it be to see you on television?

Have a great weekend everyone!