Escape from Cubicle Nation

Identify your true passions so you start a business you love

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Join me today in a conversation with one of my favorite people on the planet, Dr. Srikumar Rao, professor at Columbia and London business schools and author of Are You Ready to Succeed?  Unconventional strategies to achieving personal mastery in business and life.

Dr. Rao teaches a very popular course on creativity to M.B.A. students that gives them all kinds of tools for discovering what work they are meant to do, and how they can live more happy and fulfilling lives.  Needless to say, Dr. Rao is no ordinary MBA professor, nor are his ideas always embraced or accepted in the stuffy halls of business!

This show is for those of you who have written emails saying "I would love to work for myself, but I have no idea what work I want to do!"

Show details:

Date:  Friday, March 30 (Today!)
Time:  11am-12pm Pacific Standard Time
Topic:  Identify your true passions so you start a business you love
To listen:  Click here

If you miss the live show, you can always listen later, through the link above.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Resource for new and experienced bloggers: Clear Blogging

I don't know if many you know this, but I started this blog in October of 2005 as an assignment for a class I was taking about getting known in the online world.   I was moving from a very person-to-person model of outreach and marketing in my consulting business to one where I needed to connect with people I didn't know, who to further complicate things, were sequestered behind corporate walls and networks.

Little did I know as I wrote my first posts for a loyal readership of 3 (my Dad, my best friend Desiree and the random single daily Google visitor that stumbled by my site by accident) that the act of writing a blog would radically alter my life and business.  I learned as I went, and was tremendously fortunate to develop a network of smart, funny and supportive blog readers that provided editorial and technical advice for free.

One of the people I met in this way was Bob Walsh, founder of Safari Software, moderator of the Business of Software forum on Joel on Software, and author of Micro-ISV:  From Vision to Reality.  Bob and I found that we had a mutual interest in helping cubicle dwellers to break free.  His main audience was programmers who were interested in starting their own small consulting or freelance businesses.  We shared ideas, and referred clients to each other.

This year, Bob published a book called Clear Blogging:  How People Blogging Are Changing the World and How You Can Join Them.  He wrote it with both the newbie and experienced blogger in mind, and includes numerous interviews and tips from successful and experienced bloggers like Seth Godin, Steve Rubel of Micro Persuasion, Darren Rowse of ProBlogger.net and Richard Edelman of the PR company Edelman. 

I was honored that he asked me to write the forward, which sums up some of my feelings about blogging and the benefits you will get from the book.  Here it is:

"The moment comes at different times for a new blogger, but it is unforgettable.  After posting a fleeting thought, curious insight, personal theory, or random rant on your blog, you go off to attend to regular business for a few hours.  Then, returning to your email box, you start to see tens, sometimes hundreds of messages.  Your heart starts to pound as you see your daily reader statistics shoot through the roof, and read comments about your post from bloggers around the world.

In this quiet, exhilarating and sometimes scary moment, you realize that people are listening to you, and they care about what you have to say.  Whether blogging for personal or professional reasons, discovering your voice is a liberating and revolutionary feeling.  For so many people who feel stifled, not heard, taken for granted, or disrespected, the feeling of creative outlet is invigorating.  Finally, there is a vehicle for saying things that need to be said.

Most people are changed by this experience and become thoroughly immersed in the world of blogging.  The pursuit of new ideas, creative partners and reader contact consumes many hours of the day.  Most bloggers care profoundly about what their readers think, and always strive to create fresh, useful and insightful information.  Doing so can be a big challenge and can take up more time than is healthy or reasonable, if you are not careful.

For wannabe or new bloggers, Clear Blogging offers an efficient, easy-to-understand, and compelling overview of what blogging is and how you can quickly jump in and participate.  For more seasoned bloggers, it offers multiple ways to more efficiently plan, research, write, connect and promote the ideas contained in your blog.  When I started Escape from Cubicle Nation a little over a year ago, I had never even read another blog, and I set most of it up in a wildly inefficient way.  As I read Bob's multiple technical tips and tricks for blogging more efficiently and effectively, I only wished that I had this information a year ago!  It would have saved me a lot of grief.  The multiple case studies and interviews highlight what I have found my tripping all over the blogosphere:  There is much wisdom in the everyday insights of men and women around the world.  You just have to know the right places to find them.

The act of blogging changes your status from passive observer to active participant and expert witness.  While the medium is still relatively new, the potential for your personal and professional growth through writing about what you deeply care about is without limits.

Those like Bob who we deem "experts" on blogging hold that distinction because they have dove in, contributed the best of their minds to developing the medium, and actively participated in shaping conversations.

You, too, have something important to contribute and people eager to hear what you have to say.

What are you waiting for?"

I appreciate the opportunity to participate in a small way in this book, and encourage you to get it for yourself!  It feels really good to promote the work of a positive and supportive entrepreneur like Bob.

To order, go here.

For more reviews, here is what Seth Godin said and Darren Rowse said about the book.

The importance of a strong business foundation: you can't build a house on smoke and mirrors

I have had a few interactions lately with some entrepreneurs who have been in business for a number of years, but are struggling terribly to make money in their business.  Usually, they ask questions like:

"Do you have any advice for how I can close more sales?  My expenses are just about the same as my income, and I don't know what to do."

or

"What am I doing wrong?  I work 15 hours a day, 7 days a week, and I never seem to make any progress in my business.  It seems all I ever try to do is convince resistant people about how much they need my product."

or

"What do I do if I have no money to invest in my business?  There are some new products that my customers are interested in, but I don't even have enough cash flow to order from wholesalers."

All these types of questions lead me to wonder: did these people build an appropriate foundation in the planning stage of their business, or did they skip that step and go straight to execution? 

If so, there are often no simple remedies, as the following structural problems may be lurking underneath their business:

• There is no clearly defined target market for their products or services, so they have no focus for their sales and marketing efforts.  This leads to a bland and unspecific message which appeals to no one
• There was never research done to determine if a market exists for the products and services they are selling
• They didn't complete financial projections to determine if their business model was capable of generating a profit
• They didn't do a realistic assessment of their own strengths and weaknesses in order to determine which support and resources they needed to run their business.  Most often, they are doing everything themselves, some tasks which take far too much of their time, detracting from key activities like customer follow up, sales and marketing

I don't judge these folks, since part of the entrepreneurial spirit includes a bias toward action, and not spending so much time in the planning stage that business opportunities pass you by.  I did a lot of flying by the seat of my pants in the early years of my consulting business, and I wouldn't trade my learning for anything.  But how can you avoid finding yourself with a business model that is not sustainable or profitable?

Create a business plan.

Many people get squeamish with this idea, as it can seem like overkill when you are cooking up a small business in your basement. Seth Godin recently said, in point 14 of The realistic entrepreneur's guide to venture capital, "Business plans are bogus." However, in the same paragraph, he clarified "...The act of writing one is critical." (my emphasis added)

You don't have to write 50 pages of analysis, but you do want to make sure that you answer some fundamental questions to make sure there is a foundation to your business.  Some of my favorites come from Startup Nation's Defining Dozen, part of Step 3:  Create a Business Plan in the 10 Steps to Open for Business.  They are:

1. What's your idea?
2. How does your idea address a need?
3. What model suits you best?
4. What's so different about what you offer?
5. How big is the market, and how big will you grow?
6. What's your role going to be?
7. Who's on your team?
8. How will customers buy from you, and how much will they pay?
9. How much money will you need, and how much will you make?
10. Where's the startup money coming from?
11. How will you measure success?
12. What are your key milestones?

If you can't answer these questions with confidence, you may want to re-think your idea before finding yourself in the shoes of the overworked, overstressed and underpaid entrepreneurs I described above.

Is there hope for those entrepreneurs that started out with shaky foundations?  Of course there is.  But they must be willing to look at their business from a completely fresh perspective, and perhaps change major portions of their business model.

If you need help with business planning, I always recommend the volunteers at SCORE, a totally free consulting service affiliated  with the U.S. Small Business Administration.  Unfortunately, they are U.S. only, so if you reside outside the U.S., you may want to check with your local government for a similar service.

Interview with "Renaissance Entrepreneur" Steven A. Darden 3/23

 
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I am very excited about this week's radio show, as I get to interview my good friend and very interesting entrepreneur Steven A. Darden.  Steve has created a business that reflects his diverse talents and interests, and allows him to have the kind of life that makes him happy and fulfilled.

Steve will discuss his journey as an employee leader in many tribal, educational and non-profit organizations, and the "tipping point" that made him quit and start his own business.  His  business includes a component of motivational public speaking, counseling and behavioral change training; award-winning Native American bead and feather work; real estate investing and management and traditional healing.  This work has taken him all over the country to some of the top cultural and educational institutions like the Smithsonian Museum and Johns Hopkins University, as well as to the heart of many Native American reservations where he has brought hope, healing and leadership to thousands of youth and adults.

For those of you who are creative with lots of interests and struggle when you have to choose "one focus" for your business, this is the show for you!  Steve models how you can have a balanced life while serving a profound personal purpose and utilizing multiple talents.  He always has very insightful things to say, so don't miss it!

Show details:

Date:  Friday, March 23
Time:  11am-12pm Pacific Standard Time
Topic:  Profile of a purpose-filled business
To listen:  Click here

Thanks in advance for tuning in!  And if you miss the show and want to listen later, you can access it via the "Click here" link above.

Tips on how to get your spouse to support your entrepreneurial dreams

I feel very lucky that my husband is totally behind me and my business, and shows nothing but enthusiasm and support for what I do.  He is also an entrepreneur, so is used to managing risk and uncertainty in the job arena.

I know this is not always the case:  I hear a lot of concern from blog and ezine readers about the lack of support they get from their spouse for their entrepreneurial dreams.  This can range from skepticism about the business idea to fear that the budding entrepreneur will totally ruin the financial base of the family.

While frustrating, there are actually some very good reasons why a spouse may express fear or concern.  And it is not because they don't  love you or want to see you forever miserable and bound to your cube by a menacing chain.  Here are some more reasonable explanations, and suggested remedies:

1. They don't understand your business idea because you haven't explained it in a way that makes sense to them.  You may be totally enthusiastic about developing a computer program that fixes a critical flaw in a major software application, but this could be too technical or meaningless to your spouse.
   
   Remedy:  Simplify your business description, using terms and analogies that they understand and can relate to.  This is a good thing to do in general, as most people you meet won't have a clue what you are talking about either.  Laura Allen has some nifty tools for doing this at 15 Second Pitch.
   
2. They don't have enough information about your business to decide if it sounds viable or not, so they assume that it isn't.  You may have been thinking, planning and researching your new business venture for a long time and feel very familiar with both the business idea and the opportunity for success.  But if you haven't shared this information with your spouse, he may assume it doesn't exist.
   
   Remedy:  Share your business plan with your spouse, demonstrating the information and research that you have done to backup your idea.  What, you haven't done any analysis or business plan?  You should have more concerns than a reticent spouse.  Go here for some good tools and guidance on writing a business plan.
3. They have deep fears about risk and money that don't have anything to do with you personally.  A caller in one of my teleclasses mentioned that his spouse was terrified about losing financial stability if he went out on his own.  He was frustrated with this, as he felt he had a very viable business idea and a solid plan.  When I asked him about his wife's background, he told me that her father had quit his job and started a very unsuccessful string of entrepreneurial ventures, adding stress and tension to the family.  That is where the real heat of her emotion was coming from.
   
   Remedy:  If your spouse expresses fear about any part of your plan, ask a lot of "what, why, where, when and how" questions in a very open and non-judgmental manner.  For example, ask "What in particular are afraid of?  Why do you feel this way?  When did you feel something similar in the past?  What would you need to know or experience to dissipate this fear?  The key here is to ask questions and listen, not refute each point.
   
4. They think differently than you.  You might perceive your spouse is unsupportive because they ask lots of critical questions about your business plan.  But maybe that is just how their brain is wired, and they must ask the questions in order to understand and support your idea.  My Mom is and example of this:  she is an extremely supportive person, but is risk averse by nature, so usually when discussing something new, she first comes up with a list of questions and concerns about it.  It used to frustrate me, but now I realize that it is simply her way of processing new information.  Ironically, I find I have the same behavior with my husband when he first broaches a business idea or expansion plan.  We truly do become our mothers as we get older!
   
   Remedy:  Don't react negatively to critical questions, use the same questioning techniques as described in #3.   Pay attention to how your spouse processes information and give them the resources and time to digest it.  If your spouse is highly analytical, you may want to give them some detailed information about your business idea or plan.  If she is big-picture and results-oriented, stay brief with your description and focus on impact, results and rewards.  I have used the DiSC profile a lot in my corporate work with leaders and teams, and virtually everyone who I administered the profile to said it helped in their personal relationships.  Alicia Smith, known as the DiSC Ninja,  has the profile online.
5. They have seen you start and stop many projects in the past and are not confident that you have the follow-through skills to pull off the marathon of entrepreneurship.  I don't know if I totally agree with Dr. Phil that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, since I have seen many people make significant changes in their lives.  But in the last 10 years if you have shown your spouse that you enthusiastically start  remodeling projects and then lose steam with holes in the wall or a half-painted room, if you join a gym and never go, if you get enthused with new hobbies every month and never take them anywhere, you may have some problems with follow-through. 
   
   Remedy:  If you think that this endeavor is totally different, explain why.  Share why you think it is not just a cool, fleeting idea, but something that you are willing to invest a lot of effort and energy in for the next couple of years.  And practice the art of discipline and follow-through by sticking with projects to completion.  You  may also want to stay in your "day job" a bit longer than other people while you develop your business idea over time, to ensure that it maintains its same appeal and value after months of hard work.
6. They don't know what the exit or backup plan is.  Leaving a job to start a new business may seem like jumping off a cliff to your spouse.  It is not a point of no return ... every new entrepreneur should be able to describe an exit strategy if the venture fails, or takes longer than anticipated to get off the ground.
   
   Remedy:  Create an exit strategy with your spouse's input, determining things like:   how much money you are willing to spend without return, the amount of time you will allocate to see if your business idea will be successful, alternatives for generating income and strategies for getting a job if you need to jump back in the world of employee-hood for awhile (this is totally natural and not to be ashamed of - I call it "becoming your own venture capitalist")
7. They are afraid you will leave them if you get too happy and successful.  This may seem crazy and counter-intuitive, but it is a real fear for some people.  It is usually based on insecurity on the part of the spouse, where they feel like they need to keep things just the way they are in order to maintain the relationship.  We have all seen the media stories of spouses who got insanely jealous of their partner when they lost weight or hit the lottery jackpot.
   
   Remedy:  Reinforce the love you have for your spouse.  Talk about what the relationship means to you.  Make sure that you carve out time for your relationship as you are working on your business plans.  Do all that you can to reinforce the love your spouse has for his or herself, as we all know that insecurity and self-loathing is the root of all jealousy.
8. They are bitter that you get to have fun while they are sacrificing as a corporate drone.  This is a tough one, as often one spouse does have to sacrifice something while the other undertakes the startup phase of a new venture.  The same thing happens when one spouse works to put the other through graduate school.
   
   Remedy:  Talk with your spouse about his or her dreams, and make plans for bringing them to life.  Your spouse's dreams may have nothing to do with entrepreneurship, but rather involve visiting interesting places around the world, or getting in shape, or learning how to carve wood. Get clear on timelines for each of your interests, and be sure that each of you is making sacrifices to support the others' happiness.    If they see how you are willing to adjust and change to support them, they will be more likely to support you.

If you find that your spouse is still totally resistant and unsupportive of your hopes and dreams after applying all these remedies, you may have some more deep-seated problems than an entrepreneur coach can solve.  Get yourself to a relationship counselor, and see if that helps.

For those of you who have made the transition from employee to entrepreneur successfully, what helped your spouse support you along the way?

Escape Podcast: Cash flow is king

Catch this week's podcast episode here.  It is about 7 1/2 minutes long.  Here is what is covered:

For all of you who have just made your first sale, congratulations!  You should jump up and down and dance a jig at your accomplishment.

Very soon, however, you will discover that a closed sale does not equal money in your bank account.  Based on personal experience and that which I have learned from smart friends, I share some guidelines for making sure that you plan and contract for a stable cash flow in your new business.  They include things like:    

1. Carefully study your client's financial terms, conditions and processes    
2. Plan contracts carefully, with payment milestones clearly identified and contingency plans developed if the scope changes    
3. Treat your accounts payable contact with ultimate deference and respect, lest you reap the wrath of an accountant scorned

I won't share the gory details of what I am dealing with now in my hubbie's business, but trust me that I am very hot on the topic of cash flow today.  Please share your horror stories, best practices and tips for how you manage cash flow in your business, or what every newbie entrepreneur should know about it.

Escape from Cubicle Nation Radio 3/16: Rich Sloan of Startup Nation

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This week's radio show is with guest Rich Sloan, co-founder of Startup Nation.

We are going to talk about how to avoid the overwhelm of 1,001 details in your head when you think about starting your own business.  Rich will share some of his own interesting and inspiring entrepreneurial background, and give tips on what works for organizing your business planning process.

He is one of my favorite people - very enthusiastic, authentic and extremely knowledgeable.  If you have a question, don't be shy!  Call in!  1-866-472-5790. 

Show details:

Date:  Friday, March 16
Time:  11am-12pm Pacific Standard Time
Topic:  Where to begin?  Key launching points for starting a new business
To listen:  Click here

Thanks in advance for tuning in!  And if you miss the show and want to listen later, you can access it via the "Click here" link above.  I believe shows are posted either the same day or the day immediately following the live broadcast. 

The key to small business success: be the sharpest knife in the drawer

A few years ago, I hosted a holiday dinner at my house and my Mom helped me cook.  After rifling through my kitchen drawers, she pulled out a half a dozen dull and inferior knives, all which would pulverize a tomato, instead of creating crisp and clean slices.

"Do you have a good knife?" my Mom asked.

"Um - not really," I replied, realizing that my shoddy collection of 10 bucks-for-a-set-of-12-knives would never satisfy her culinary needs.

Thankfully, the next Christmas, she bought me a beautiful and razor-sharp cooking knife which made cutting through carrots feel like slicing through butter.  Soon I was using it for everything, and wondered how I ever lived without it.

As a small business owner, you should make your clients feel the same about working with you.

Because despite all the other things that you worry about when setting up your business, the most valuable and enduring asset you have is providing the absolute best service that solves not only the articulated needs of your customers, but also the unspoken ones. 

My insurance agent, John Kennedy, is a great example of this.  He has a small agency affiliated with Allstate that handles home and auto insurance. They are a dime a dozen in Phoenix where I live, and I could easily shop around and find comparable or even lower rates.  But John does some exceptional things that make me fiercely committed to him and his company:

• He shows genuine caring and enthusiasm for his customers.  When my husband and I go into his office, we feel like family.  He does not ask how we are as a polite formality before getting down to business, he listens attentively and is genuinely interested in hearing about our lives.
• He knows his stuff.  I have never asked a question that he didn't have a well-thought out answer for.  He has obviously been in the business for a long time (he is the second generation in his father's business) and reads up on all the latest developments to make sure he can provide accurate information to his customers.
  
• He provides valuable information to help us make decisions, not to try to sell us high-priced products. We never feel pressured to buy one product over another or to increase coverage beyond a level we are comfortable with.  He lays out the information in a matter-of-fact way, explaining the risks and trade-offs with each decision.
• He follows up promptly.  We have had a couple of complicated situations which required him to contact other employees in Allstate to resolve a problem.  He always does what he says, and comes back with a complete and timely response to our questions.

John is definitely a sharp knife in a market full of bored and impersonal insurance agents.

So how can you make sure you are a sharp knife yourself?:

1. Choose the right business.  As hard as you try, you cannot manufacture passion.  Choose a business that allows you to express your best skills, talents and interests.  This enthusiasm will permeate your brand and draw customers to you.  Too many people choose businesses to start only based on external market factors.  You want to make sure that you will enjoy your business as you are growing it, not just when you get to a certain level of financial success.
2. Be fiercely dedicated to learning.  All fields of business are rapidly growing and changing.  Learn as much as you can about your profession so that you provide the absolute best service.  Take classes.  Read books.  Surf the internet.  Connect with other professionals in your field.  Don't let yourself get tired and bored of always doing things the same way.  Your love of learning will keep you fresh and alive, and ensure that you solve new problems in new and effective ways.
3. Always ask yourself "What would really help my customer?"  In my years as a corporate consultant, I would say that at least 50% of the time, clients would bring me in with a predetermined idea of what solution I should provide to solve their problems.  But after a short conversation, it became clear that following their prescriptive path would not solve the problem, it would either do nothing or exacerbate it.  So I spent a lot of time up front defining a realistic path to success.  If they were insistent on following a path I didn't agree with, I would graciously turn down the work and offer other resources.  It is never worth it to take a big check for a project that you know is doomed from the start.  (And since it will fail spectacularly, who will get blamed?  The errant executive?  Of course not!  The incompetent consultant!)
   
4. Avoid clients that are not a match with your ideal profile.  Martha Beck humorously calls these folks "life-sucking squids," due to their tendency to wrap their needy tentacles around you and drain your life force.  You will not be of good service to someone you don't enjoy working with; it is better to pass them on to someone who can truly serve them.
5. Check out your competition.  Regularly benchmark yourself and your company with others in your field.  Find out how you stack up, and learn from the things others are doing right and wrong.  You don't have to aim to crush all your rivals, you just want to honestly assess your place in the pack of people serving similar clients.  Being around smart, effective competitors is great motivation for stepping up your game.

Any other suggestions for keeping yourself sharp?

When you change, all your relationships change

One of the unexpected parts of heading towards your right life is discovering that sometimes those around you are not ready, willing or able to see you change.  This can result in disagreements, fracturing or even ending long-term friendships and relationships. 

If you are in the process of moving from a corporate employee to an entrepreneur, you will experience an amazing identity shift.  You will change your attitude, challenge long-term beliefs, stretch and grow in new areas, take more of a "center stage" role in public life and possibly totally redesign your life.  This may make those around you very uncomfortable.  Why is this?

• We usually form relationships around common bonds such as school, work or community functions. You might have a tight group of friends that helped you through the hell of medical or graduate school.  Or you all spent many hours in solidarity against an evil boss, griped about the lack of decent, eligible mates in the dating world, or watched your children grow up together.  As you leave these shared environments, you may find that you don't have as much in common as you thought you did.  And relationships may fade.
  
• Each person in a relationship quickly takes on a specific role.  Maybe you have always been the kind and understanding friend that jumps into action when your friend is in need, providing a shoulder to cry on, a truck to move furniture, or money to get out of a crisis.  If you decide that this role is draining you of energy you need to invest in yourself, and you change it, be prepared for some resentment.  A true clue that this is the case is when someone says "What happened to the (Sue) (Jose) that I used to know?  You don't act like the same person anymore!"  They are right ... and this is good!
  
• You might be headed in a direction that freaks out your current circle of friends.  You may be a card-carrying member of the suburbs, clocking in and out of your garage at the same time as your neighbors each day.  When you share your plans to take your family on a year-long tour of the world to complete community service projects, you may see some stunned reactions.  Some friends may think that you have simply lost your mind.  Others may be projecting their own insecurity on you, by thinking "If Ashok isn't satisfied with mundane suburban life, maybe my life doesn't have any meaning!"
  
• As much as we all talk about wanting to be happy and fulfilled, when you actually are, it can annoy the crap out of those around you.  We bond with each other by our daily gripes.  We start by quipping about the depressing news in the paper, then let the receptionist at work know how bad traffic was, mumble quietly to a co-worker about the lame meeting you have to attend to start your day.  And this is all before 9am.  Can you imagine waking up and smiling at the day ahead of you?  When someone asks you how you are, answering "I am great!  My work is exciting, I have a great relationship with my kids and husband, I love my home, my health is great, and I generally feel like skipping most of the time."  While wondering which mind-bending cult you joined, your friends will be quietly checking your purse for illicit drugs.  Once they find you are on a natural high, they may quickly tire of your positive demeanor and look for someone else to complain with.
  

I have had very personal experience with this, seeing a very dear and close circle of friends slip away as my life changed when I moved out of state, got married, had a child and started a new phase of my business.  I can honestly say that losing these friends has been a more painful experience to deal with than any past relationship breakup.  The bond of friendship is very strong, and a big part of our identity is tied up with those that we have spent years talking to, laughing and crying with.  I never intended to let these friendships go, and there is a big part of the process that I will never understand.  But I have come to a place where I accept it, and realize that for whatever reason, it happened.

How can you get through these tough relationship transitions?

• Communicate clearly and frequently with those around you about the changes that are going on in your life.  Talk about implications to the relationship in terms of time you will be able to be available to the person, things you want to improve or change, and what you need from each other in order to feel good about the relationship.  I think one of the mistakes I made is not being clear that I would not be as available to my friends as when I was single and close by geographically, and that caused real hurt to them when they needed me to be there.
• Validate that you are moving in the right direction.  If you have done your tough and deep introspective work, you will know the reasons why you are making changes in your life.  You are the only one that knows that this is the right direction.  Your friends may perceive that you are making a bad move that will make you unhappy or unsafe.  Listen to what they have to say, then while you are alone, check deep within your gut and see what is true.  If you feel good about the direction you are heading, that all that matters.
  
• Realize that some relationships will not survive the change, and that is OK.  There is something tremendously comforting with knowing people your whole life and sharing a deep history.  But as you think of all the transitions you have gone through, you will see that friends from one phase didn't always transfer to another.  I am lucky enough to have a great friend that I have known since infancy, one since 4th grade and one since college.  I see these friendships enduring the test of time.  But others will ebb and flow as my life changes.
• Honor the history you have together.  It can be perplexing and hurtful to lose connection with people you love deeply.  But it will solve nothing to get angry and say many things you regret, which will sour your great memories of time spent together. If you are able, tell your friends how much you appreciate all the years you had together.  If you aren't talking, write the words down in a journal, or say them in a silent reflection.  I will always, always wish good health and happiness to friends who are no longer in my life.
  
• Trust that "your people" will show up for this new phase of life.  There is an awkward stage of transition where some of your old friends may not be available anymore, and you don't have any new friends that you can relate to.  This is a very lonely place.  Trust in yourself, and keep moving on your path towards your right life.  When you least expect it, new, wonderful people will appear to support and encourage you.

Personal growth comes with pain, no matter how you slice it.  But it is good, healing pain that will serve you in more ways than you can imagine.  Once you move from the flexible body of a caterpillar to the muck you become in a cocoon, there is no going back.  Trust yourself and keep moving.

Please join me and Bob Sutton on the radio tomorrow, 3/9 at 11am PST

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After a long planning cycle, I am very excited to announce the launch of my new internet radio show, debuting tomorrow with my favorite University Professor Bob Sutton, author of the very celebrated book The No Asshole Rule:  Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't. 

You can join in on the conversation by calling into the show at 1-866-472-5790. 

Show details:

Date:  Friday, March 9
Time:  11am Pacific Standard Time
Topic:  How has corporate life gotten so unbearable?
To listen:  Click here

If I am lucky enough to count you as a listener for the whole 13-week series, an easy way to access the show is to click on the "Download Desktop Icon" in the upper right-hand corner of the page referenced above under "to listen".  This will give you direct access to the show each week, and the ability to download shows.

Thanks to everyone for your support and encouragement along the way -- I hope to reach you tomorrow!